WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON
Alright ID10Ts, I need therapy. This feels like that time when you got dumped by your high-school crush, who you thought was a solid seven, but really wasn’t, and then you try to rebound with her uglier best friend. That’s our Titans situation right now. Coming off a heart breaking blowout loss to the Browns after taking those damn elves for granted, the Titans have earned their shot to seduce their ex’s BFF, the Bengals in their parents’ basement - aka Nissan Stadium. This might be the chance we need to get back in the mix because everyone knows it's easier to score at home. Nobody can see me crying with the lights out though, right?
To make matters worse, TI forced me to stay in the armpit of America, Ohio, for ten, terrible days. It feels like a proper punishment, though, for the embarrassing display of whatever the hell that was last Sunday afternoon. Can I come home now, TI? I feel cold inside, so… very… cold…
The mean streets of Cincy have not been kind to me. These people here seem angry, too. It must be something about the state of Ohio that make people smile upside down.
"Oh no, I’m so sorry for your back-to-back AFC Championship Game appearances, your situation is so futile, Josephine. At least Deshauna acted like she cared about me for a quarter before the beatdown began."
Be gentle with my soul, devil woman. My heart is as fragile as my offensive line and my mind is more clouded than our injury report. I suppose the latter is self-inflicted from inhaling all these fumes here at the Rheingeist Brewery. This is my only comfort. I’m not leaving until TI gives me a ride home.
Come this afternoon, the banged up Titans will load a laundry list of game-time decisions that could dictate the difference between .500 and drifting into oblivion. Thank God we play in the AFC South. If week 2 was any indication, this bipolar squad could actually show up and show out. One thing always rings true in the end; The Tennessee Titans rollercoaster ride never stops.
Part of me wants to start all over, but being stuck in the middle of a crumby division, it makes me want us to muster another 8-9 season and accidentally win the AFC South before departing for Cabo after another Wild Card Weekend appearance. Man, I do need A LOT of therapy.
On the other side of the ball, the Bengals seem nearly as hopeless as we do, so we both have that going for us. They finally avenged their Super Bowl LVI loss, nearly two years later, but their offensive line also seems hellbent on getting their quarterback split like a Twix. Enjoy that $275 million, Mr. Burrow, you’ll need it for all those medical bills. Tanny, the King, DHop or anyone who played for us over the last two seasons can give ya some great reqs on spots for PT.
As you may have noticed, this week’s blurb did not include any stats for the Titans from week 3 because, well, there weren’t any. Except from the angelic foot of Nick Folk. He's the only one who shows up to work on time these days. Please be good to us, Nissan. Pretty please...
Prediction: Just please show up by noon, Titans!
"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his work at The Pamphleteer that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to his page to see for yourself.Check Out Some Other Stories From Titans Idiot Nation
