Hi. I'm DeAndre Hopkins. My friends call me Nuk. Opposing defensive backs call me nightmare fuel. Check my resume. It doesn't matter where you put it, I'm gonna snag it. I was born with spiderwebs for hands. The doctors... they had never seen anything like it. They told my momma... "That boy was born to catch a football." Seriously... have any of you watched me play? I terrorized your favorite team for years. Just throw the damn thing to the moon and I'll find a way to go up and get it. But hey, we're not here to talk about the obvious. We're here to prove why you're all wrong about me.
Look... I get it. You've been burned bad before. Hurt. Exposed. It's Nashville, I'm surprised y'all haven't went the Taylor Swift route and wrote an entire album about the failed free agents that have come through here. The wounds have just started to heal and here you are again, flirting with disaster. Enough is enough you tell yourself. You've made up your mind and I'm just like all the others to come before me. Well let me tell you, this time is different.
First off, with all due respect to one of the best to ever play the position, I ain't no broken down Randy Moss at the very last strand of my career, plummeting down the waiver wire trying to find my third team on the season only to oddly land in Nashville. That man had six catches for 80 yards. Sure, that's a great stat line for a single game, but this is over eight. My man averaged 75% of a catch per game. That ain't even one. I'm pretty sure every fan in the stands had more catches than Randy Moss did as a Titan. At least y'all got to buy a dope $129.99 jersey though. Amirite????
But back to me. So y'all think I'm done? Let's take last season for example. I had 64 grabs for 717 yards with three touchdowns all while missing eight games. I averaged 11.2 yards per catch. That's a first down every time I touched the ball. Hell, I nearly had 200 more total yards in nine games than your teams leading receiver did in 17 combined. Yeah, yeah.. I can hear you right now...
"But eight games, DHop? See, that's just it.. you're always hurt."
But what if I told you six of those games were due to suspension for PED's (but we're not going to talk about that right now.) And don't even ask who was throwing me the ball, because after Kyler checked out to embark on his Call of Duty Sabbatical, I couldn't even tell you who was behind center at that point. But even through all of that, all I'm gonna say is that I put up a whole helluva lot more than that washed up has been, Julio Jones. That man robbed y'all in broad daylight by ball point pen. 
Lend me your ear so I can spit some more facts. I've got 11,238 career receiving yards and I'm currently sitting ranked 36th on the all time list of NFL leaders. If I play for even three more seasons, I'll find myself comfortably resting in the top ten wide receivers of NFL History. When it's all said and done, I might be top five. Plus I've been training with Derrick Henry all off season. You've seen our videos. The King is teaching me all his workout secrets. I'm good for at least another decade.
But hold up for a second, let me rewind the tape a little bit. How on gods green earth are y'all putting my name in the same sentence as Robert Woods? Did I take a wrong turn and land in Bizarro World? Now don't get me wrong, I got respect for Bobby Trees, cause that nickname is fire emoji times 3, but y'all really gotta stop. To quote my man Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction, "We ain't the same ballpark. We ain't the same league. We ain't even the same f*ckin' sport." Sorry, Bobby.
Well, I guess by default we're the same sport, but if someone else compares me to Robert Woods, I swear on my Moms that I'm going to pull a damn Antonio Brown and dip mid article.
And exactly just who do you think you're kidding? I know you want to see me absolutely torching the Texans this season rocking that sweet ass Oilers throwback.
REMEMBER: "You can't always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need." So why not head on over to the Titans Idiot Nation SHOP and get what you need today! In honor of your dad being an idiot, this week we have all items on sale for 20% off. Be sure to make your purchase today!
