WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON
Alright ID10Ts, the overreaction to Billie Jeans’ ballout sesh has been a blast, but it’s time to get back to business. This week's trip to Steel Shitty presents an opportunity to reach .500, hop back in the playoff race, and serve as an encore to Big Willy Levis’ debut all while building his case to be the future of the franchise. Buckle up, Titans fans!
The enemy tonight matches the city in which I stand. It doesn’t suck as bad as you expect it to, but then again, it still kind of does? It's weird you know? I do secretly admire the Three Rivers of Pittsburgh, which are an ode to their offensive strategy of “Three and Out.” Truly, the smog is not as dense as Matt Canada’s skull, who is hell-bent on running jet sweeps and RPOs. Swear this dude preps for opposing defenses by playing Madden 2012.
With Kenny Kitten Mittens banged up, but still given the green light, TJ Watt will once again have to lead the scoring charge for the Steelers. I said what I said. Look it up... Keeping him out of the end zone could prove to be more difficult than keeping a steel worker sober on a Friday night. (However, thankfully not as tough as getting Chase Claypool and JuJu to stay off TikTok.)
Meanwhile, Mitch Tribusky got so butthurt by being named backup this week he abandoned Tuesday’s media presser and “allegedly” was spotted officiating a midget wrestling tournament later that night. True story - maybe. Not saying I was there or anything…. or maybe I was. Anyway, carrying on.
Earlier this week I stumbled upon the Andy Warhol Museum - figured this would be in New York - and found a cozy little corner for a portrait of the yet-to-be painted Levi’s Diptych, which will replace Marilyn Monroe’s. Without Minkah Fitzpatrick, Willie will let ‘er fly! 300+ yards and a casual five tuddies? We’re just setting the bar low, baby. The Bachelorette Babes of Broadway have their new crush.
Prediction: Levis - that dude, Canada - Fired!
"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his work at The Pamphleteer that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to his page to see for yourself.Check Out Some Other Stories From Titans Idiot Nation
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