Oilers Prepped to Flex on the Houston Replacements

How sweet does it feel to finally land our first official road win? Perhaps the preconceived notion orchestrated about being banished from Tennessee all off-season exposed my disillusionment that this unit had hit hibernation mode. Well, I'm happy to announce I’m back home again, baby! I almost forgot what my house looked like! The Titans rollercoaster, much like my mental health this season, has had lots of ups and downs but no stable mind can persuade me that this isn’t a team of destiny after we just lived Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. In under three minutes, that game was carjacked by Billy Jeans. That was for you, Frankie!

Next victim: the Oiler-Wannabes. Nothing makes me happier than seeing the city of Houston obsess over powder blue, then get it ripped right from their XFL-looking roughneck faces. You know Amy Adams Strunk struck an H-Town nerve with that move. Also, Miss Amy, if it's not too much to ask, could you please, pretty please, force Vrabel to wear that Stetson on the sideline today? If Houston is going to make a mockery of the Adams Family on their home turf, we’re going to dish it right back, TENfold.

#Titans Mike Vrabel gotta rock that Bum Phillips throwback too

📸: Mark Anthony Martinez pic.twitter.com/yltHpaZ2RN

— Wes on Broadway (@TitansStats) July 24, 2023

 Just like the placeholder organization itself, Houston will go with a backup at QB today. Davis (Straight Outta) Compton Mills once held the franchise’s rookie record for passing yards. Yeah, that’s right, this dude once had a brighter outlook than notorious woman respecter and certified massage enthusiast, Deshaun Watson. His otherwise lackluster 2021 season, thanks to an atrocious O-Line that would make the Titans' hogs look like All-Pros, feels like a distant memory. Dixiecrat Davis not only regressed statistically last season but also expertly led the league in generously gifting the ball to the other colored jerseys.

As a result, the front office pivoted and snagged CJ Stroud over Billy Jeans. Leave no doubt, the Mayo Man remembers - he always remembers. But as Stroud recovers from his first official customary NFL concussion, Levis will be forced to plot his draft night revenge for another Sunday. 

After perusing this article, rumor has it that the Not Houston Oilers wasted no time in benching Mills and summoning the journeyman, Case Keenum. Keenum, embarking on his 79th chance to showcase why he's still in the league, must have a secret stash of Roger Goodell's embarrassing photos. Is this guy eligible for social security yet? Or perhaps he's just holding onto the NFL by a thread, literally. Either way, kudos to Houston for their commitment to recycling, even in their quarterback choices!


Sending some good vibes to Bobby Slowik today, who's probably attempting to force-feed the ball to Nico Collins. Given Collins' questionable status, he might want to take a page from Teair Tart's playbook and gracefully sit this one out. Best of luck, Bobby!

The Texans will never measure up to the legendary status of the Houston Oilers. It doesn't matter how many tears they shed or how many times JJ Watt runs his mouth, they belong to us, always have, and always will... all while H-frown stays bitter. Get over it, little brother!

Prediction:  Longest winning streak of the season - 2!

"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"

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