WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON
Alright ID10Ts, it’s been delightful enjoying Floridian weather back-to-back weeks, but that pales in comparison to the frustration and agony of the back-to-back losses that entirely derailed our once promising 2023 season. We're the new 3-6 mafia, but we ain’t able to 'Stay Fly Til We Die.' Most of us feel the itch to - figuratively - slit our wrists and waste away to 'A Very Mariah Carey Christmas' … no Thanksgiving to be had this season.
Meanwhile, Jaxholeville continues to treat me like their daddy, displaying that world class hospitality that we've come to expect from the sixth most popular city in Florida. It’s that Stockholm syndrome I guess. Despite them being in first place, and the defending AFC South Champs, they somehow still know their place in the pecking order. Some here are even perfecting their British accent in preparation for a permanent move to London by 2033. Besides... most of the locals here are on house arrest, so it gives them something to focus on. Nonetheless I’m impressed with their initiative.
“A convicted child molester was found guilty Friday of hacking the jumbotron at the Jacksonville Jaguars stadium after the team learned he was a registered sex offender and fired him.” - NBC South Florida
Future area moms like Trevor Lawrence must heed concern. Jacksonville leads the state in homeless sex offenders, per WJCT 89.9. Put that on a stat sheet, Wes Wisley. The people must know!
Fortunately for this city, Lawrence’s offensive line offers a modest level of protection, sparing him from sacrifice just one time less per game than the Titans. We can only dream of a day when the Tennessee offensive line concedes fewer than three sacks a game – a bit like living in Wonderland. (Though we're aware some folks around here lean more towards the preference for Neverland).
If the Titans wish to stay relevant this afternoon, they have to hound Lawrence. NO PRESSURE = NO CHANCE. Injuries continue to pile up on the defensive side of the ball and Big Jeff only has one road sack this season, coming all the way back in Week 1 at New Orleans. It’s time to step up and earn that paycheck, Baby Thanos!
Conversely, we have to keep Billy Jeans on his GD feet. I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty, prettttyyy sure the physics of completing passes while staring at the Jacksonville smog doesn't bode much faith. Look, the kid is good. Let him thrive, dahgummitt! Let's score some damn touchdowns.
Prediction: It’s a road game, I’m still going to be banished…
"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports-obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his work at The Pamphleteer that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to his page to see for yourself.Check Out Some Other Stories From Titans Idiot Nation
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