WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON
Alright ID10Ts, I've learned many things in life from Ron Swanson. Perhaps nothing more important than when he guided Leslie Knope to, “Never half-ass two things; whole-ass one thing.” We all know H-Town is perpetually parading as two organizations at once. They beg, plead, and whine for OUR Oiler jerseys... especially that bozo JJ Watt. It's time to move on jamokes, because that ain’t your team. The Oilers ship sailed a mere three decades ago. Now look, we might be 5-10 and have a bachelorette problem downtown but we at least know our own identity in the Music City.
When you gleefully enter Tennessee, you expect to find Titans fans permeated throughout the state from Memphis to Bristol. When you reluctantly gallop into Texas, well, it’s the Cowboys’ state and you're paying rent in Jerry’s World. Even in an overachieving year, an 8-7 pedestrian record is just enough to make you the second most relevant and repulsive team in Houston. Don’t worry folks, April will be here before ya know it! Break out the orange and blue trash cans.
No matter where Titans fans fall in the debate over whether Levis should start today, both fan bases should be excited to catch a glimpse of the future this afternoon. Stroud vs. Levis might not have all the flair this New Year’s Eve, but it promises to be an AFC South matchup worth watching for years come. As long as the O-Line doesn’t let the ball drop by getting the Kentucky alum killed in the process. With Nuk returning home to his old turf, we could see some early fireworks at NRG Stadium. Leave no doubt, DHop will be eager to torch his former squad with a few deep balls for old times sake. Tee him up, Billy Jeans!
I understand that nearly half the squad, or so it feels, is on season-ending injured reserve, and for good reason. However, late December is always full of end-of-year surprises. Last week's debacle against the Peehawks ended with Krampus, I mean Ryan Tannehill, choking away the game late. Let’s put that loss behind us. Hell, let’s put all ten losses behind us. While we're at it, let’s not concern ourselves with Draft Day either. That time will come. Again, April will be here before you know it.
At this very moment, all I'm wishing for is a late Christmas gift. Santa, if it's not too much to ask, can we please boot the Oiler Wannabes out of the playoff picture? And while we're at it, maybe rev up our fanbase for payback against the Jagoffs next week in Smashville? I've been mostly good all season long. Hell, T.I. made me travel to some of the lowliest cities in America, and you never heard me complain. Okay, maybe you have just a little. Baltimore? Cleveland? I mean, do you blame me?
Prediction: A late Christmas miracle!
"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports-obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his work at The Pamphleteer that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to his page to see for yourself.Check Out Some Other Stories From Titans Idiot Nation
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