WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON
What’s gooooood, ID10Ts? Holy jumpin Jehoshaphats, we are so damn back! 2024 is here and already it’s a banger. The new look Titans are here y’all and without a single snap played the league is already on notice. Who says the preaseason doesn’t matter? 3-0 is 3-0 and we got our Mojo back, baby!
A Week 1 side quest to Chicago feels a little different this year compared to most. Delusional Bears fans actually have hope... bless their windy hearts. Despite yet another last-place finish, these polish sausage guzzlers are somehow convinced the “Monsters of the Midway” will end the season with a higher win percentage than the city’s best baseball team, the White Sox. Well, alright, they might actually manage that, considering you’re pretty much awarded a .200 just for spelling your name correctly and stepping onto the field. However, any idea of Chicago contending in the NFC North is a j-o-k-e.
Home to the world’s most notorious crime organization, Korked Bats, the Windy City boasts many breathtaking attractions, including violent crime, drug dealing, riverboat gambling, and, of course, the Children’s Museum. So many memories flood back when I’m here. My father, a tinkerer, took odd jobs around Chicagoland as a teenager, and his stories are endless. From dodging bullets on the L Train to running "Find the Lady" card games on street corners for extra cash, my old man truly was a Renaissance man that Chicago can be proud of.
He’s not dead, he just couldn’t bear living anywhere near this damn city anymore.
Since I fled this city myself in 2017 for sunnier days in the Nashville area, few around here would admire my grit the way they did my dad’s. Those who survive in this city have my respect. Times are tough, but they endure, and the Halas family has conned them into believing this is their moment—and that Caleb Williams is their man... or woman? Their quarterback wears nail polish, so you get it.
Alright, so the rook has some weapons—how cute. Let’s see how he handles a defensive line the size of a metric ton, eager to knock the blue and orange right off Williams' fingernails. And unlike the 2023 edition of the Titans, this team has much more to offer. We all know the depth added at DB, and the trade for Ernest Jones at MLB only adds more firepower against a team destined for six strenuous wins.
Sophomore QB versus Freshman QB. I like our chances today behind enemy lines. But don’t worry, sausage lovers—your ChiSox still have another three weeks to play.
Prediction: Titans 27, Bears 17
"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports-obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his dedication to SINNING that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to Sports Idiot Nation to see for yourself.
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