Going Down A Houston Hell Hole

WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON

We are two-thirds of the way there, ID10Ts. Just six more games to endure after today’s inevitable heartbreak in H-Town, and then, finally, sweet relief. Even worse? One more loss today seals a losing season. But hey, technically, we’re still not eliminated from playoff contention! The dream’s on life support, but it’s breathing. Delusion is forever.

In recent years, we’d be widening our division lead by now—this year, we’re watching the Texans live that dream. Sigh.

I remember those days.

What positivity can we cling to? Well, Will Levis says he's getting better since his injury—and more importantly, since his breakup with Texans superfan Victoria F. (If that's not character development, I don't know what is.) And hey, he has looked a little sharper in those back-to-back losses, so we'll take it. Reaching 30 points this season was an achievement! Sure, it took us two games to do it, but who's counting?

Meanwhile, on the other sideline, their QB has been... less stellar lately. Remember when the NFL media crowned C.J. Stroud as the second coming? Now he’s hitting that Sophomore Speed Bump, with more picks in 11 games than he had all of last season. But let's not kid ourselves—it’s hard to call it a slump when they're cruising to another AFC South title. At this point, their biggest stress is deciding which Wild Card team they'll casually host in January while we cling to our last shred of playoff math and existential hope.

I remember those days.

Down here in Houston, not much has changed since last year’s pointless pilgrimage. The city still reigns supreme in Gas Station Girls and Lot Lizards, a title they poached from Jacksonville in 2022. Even in November, Stefon Diggs prefers it sticky—word is, he gets a sympathy discount since his season-ending injury a few weeks back. Priorities, right? The guy puts more effort into an 18-wheeler than into building chemistry in the locker room.

Are the Strouds better without him? Early signs say... not so much. Diggs might be a head case, but usually, an elite receiver helps your semi-above-average QB look like the next franchise legend. Without him, Stroud’s just another guy trying to keep the wheels on—ironic, considering the company he’s keeping at those truck stops.

I remember those days.

Project 9-8 might meet its tragic end this afternoon, but for now, there's still a sliver of hope to finish above .500. Hell, there's even a mathematical chance we could win the division if we somehow snag a dub today. Realistic? Not even close.

Billy Jeans still thinks he's got a future in Nashville, bless his heart. Reality? Not so much. Ryan Tannehill once had those same dreams—now he’s just chilling, waiting to have the last laugh while watching the chaos unfold from the bench.

I remember those days.

Prediction: Losing Season.

"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports-obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his dedication to SINNING that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to Sports Idiot Nation to see for yourself.