Moldy Cheese Curds Look To Further Spoil Titans Season

WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON

Alrighty ID10T, if your bingo card had the two-toned blue starting 0-2 and Malik Willis grabbing a dub before us, I hate you! What the hell is this nonsense? Suppose having a QB that plays turnover-free football and allows your offense to stay on the field for 40+ minutes pays off. Don’t have to be a hero, just a game manager, Billy Jeans.

It’s strange to think Malik Willis is back in Nashville after just a month. Whether he starts today or not, Tennessee is definitely seeing a ghost. (Shout out Ghostbuster himself Sam Darnold)

Seriously, how does Willis have more wins than Levis this season? I get the stats, but it still feels unreal. No “Love” for either of these teams from the football gods!

Up here in Wisky, the weather’s pretty mundane, but that just makes it the best time of year on the western shores of Lake Michigan. No matter what happens today, you can bet I’ll be swimming in a vat of Spotted Cow before the night’s over—still working on getting New Glarus Brewing to sponsor Titans Idiot Nation. Green Bay has graced us with some glorious brats and cheese to keep this overweight jamoke distracted while the Titans drop another 17-point offensive outburst on the Quesoheads.

Folks ‘round here are obnoxiously friendly, even to a guy sporting a Titans jersey. Thought rocking my #7 Willis jersey would be a smooth show of solidarity—hey, at least he’s a winner! The locals were quick to bring up their most famous attraction, the Avery Auto Salvage Yard, just over in beautiful Manitowoc County. They say it’s such a killer time you’ll never want to leave! Apparently, it’s so well-known that it even has its own Netflix docuseries. Guess I’ll have to give that a watch.

But before I head out, we all know this has to be the game where the Titans turn their season around. Starting 0-3 is about as good as being stuffed into a 55-gallon drum and set on fire. No sir, I don't like that idea one bit.

Will, look me dead in the eyes. Yeah, it’s awkward, but I promise it’ll be way worse when Victoria F dumps you for Malik if you blow this game. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT play outside your means. This isn’t Kentucky—you’ve actually got talent around you now. When the walls start closing in, just tuck the ball and hit the ground; live to fight another play. Win this game, and I’ll have a 24-pack of Spotted Cow with your name on it. Got it? Good! Just win dahgumit.

Prediction: Titans 17 (Of Course), Packers 16.5

"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports-obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his dedication to SINNING that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to Sports Idiot Nation to see for yourself.

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