It’s the Jets and Titans - Someone’s Offense Has To Emerge, Right… Right?

WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON

Alrighty then, ID10Ts? it’s Week 2, and for some units it’s the 2nd half of Week 1 👀 yikes! Good news is the Titans and Commuter Jets will be in Nashville while I hit the Big Apple for some Sbarro’s. “Hey, when in New York, always gotta have a New York slice.” - Michael Scott - Miles Harrington. 

Back in the better city, Billy Jeans is hoping to shake off a rough week, particularly with his girlfriend, Victoria Fuller. She's sunk her claws into his mind, leading him to make one of the biggest mistakes of his life—dating her, not the baffling interception. That one’s all on him; not even Victoria's Secret could have caused that disaster.

Meanwhile, Coach Brian Callahan is contemplating cutting the entire offensive roster and just punting on 1st down from now on. Word of caution, Brain/Brian—your punt team blew it last week, too. So, let’s rethink that. Coach Callahan IS NOW considering signing a 53-man roster made up entirely of defensive players. When the boot fits, might as well wear it.

Over here in NYC, the days are dull, and it’s basically Chicago times five—bigger, more crime, and just as grey. No point in leaving Sbarro’s at the mall; probably gonna get mugged anyway. On the bright side, I’m pretty sure no one’s fighting me for this pizza since Michael Scott retired from the paper industry. Honestly, I’m just counting down to next week’s Green Bay trip for some Spotted Cow and, of course, Ryan Tannehill’s inevitable Miami reunion with Will Levis.

Ah, to reminisce about the days of having just a mildly below-average quarterback. Levi's, I’m still wearing you for now, but that fabric—and my patience—will wear thin if Week 2 doesn’t mirror your debut against Atlanta last season. You’ve got one job: don’t blow it. Hand the ball to Pollard and Spears, toss dimes to your receivers, and when you get hit, just go down and live to fight another day. Ok, I lied. That's more like five jobs...

Your defense has your back. And maybe even Stonehenge—or House—when he can actually get the ball off. Sorry, it’s hard to think straight in this city—airflow to the brain isn’t optimal. But honestly, New York’s faith in its second-favorite team might be as low as ours in the offense right now.

Titan's O Face, do you remember the first half? Let's repeat that twice, please.

Prediction: Titans 5, Jets 2 (and another sigh)

"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports-obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his dedication to SINNING that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to Sports Idiot Nation to see for yourself.

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