Titans Embrace Funeral Procession In The Little D

WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON

Hello darkness, ID10Ts. I’ve come to plead for help again. Because of another loss, softly creeping, DHop was traded Wednesday while we were all sleeping. And while our Rudolph may take another helmet to the brain, our starter he remains in the den of Lions mane. (See, the Titans have gotten so bad I've resulted to writing slam poetry.)

The tank begins… woof. Definitely not where we thought we’d be headed seven games into the season. By now, we were hoping to see Levis blossoming into a top-tier quarterback, but instead, he’s parked on the bench with that “lingering injury.” And somehow, that makes us feel better about our chances? Un-f*cking-believable.

DeAndre Hopkins is out there chasing a three-peat, and we’re over here…well, you know, holding our wieners. Ahh, the glamorous life of a Titans fan! The truth is, our Titans tried to reload in the offseason, but let’s just say things haven’t exactly clicked. Now, we’ve got L’Jarius Sneed as the latest domino to fall after his last-minute scratch at East Toronto and today in Little D with some sort of thigh thingy. Waves the white flag with a half-hearted “Titan Up.”

It’s cool though, it’s only Detroit. Not like they’re good or anything. (sigh)

Ugh, it just keeps getting worse. Thankfully, this city has leveled up a bit over the years—kind of like the Lions (finally!). I’d say my fear of catching a stray has dropped by maybe 15%, so that’s progress, right? But then Lizzo has to come in hot, saying she wants to turn all of America into Detroit. Hard pass! The Titans, Preds, and NSC might be struggling, but hey, at least our city isn’t!

But hey, all isn’t totally lost for the two-tone blue. Wes Wisley announced Tuesday that they signed OT Isaiah Prince to the practice squad, adding another chapter to the Titans' long history of Isaiah's on the O-line. Overheard at the Grand Trunk Pub, some extradited Lions fans are saying that Bussin’ With The Boys might be hitting the early Black Friday sales as a 2-for-1, which, let’s be honest, is more time than I’ve ever wanted to spend on that podcast. The idea of bringing back Michigan alum Taylor Lewan is starting to feel shockingly tempting. As for Will Compton? Let’s just say he needs to stay in the corner like Baby.

Despite my name being Miles, I’ll be frank: it’s going to take a full-on Motor City Miracle for the Titans to snag a W today. We’re in HELL right now—no pun intended, Detroit—but hey, at least we’re down here together. On the bright side, next week is New England at Nissan. Yippee! Maybe we’ll be 1-0 in November.

Prediction: Yup, the spread really is 12.5 and yup, Detroit really is going to cover.

"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports-obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his dedication to SINNING that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to Sports Idiot Nation to see for yourself.