Titans Prepare To Pull Off Stunner In East Toronto

WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON

Oh Canada, ID10Ts! Our lovable underdogs are heading north of the border today to face the AFC East’s most consistently average team in Orchard Park, New York, Ontario. The Toronto Bills of Buffalo somehow continue to be labeled as "Super Bowl contenders," despite their best win this season being a painfully earned victory over the New Jersey Jets last week.

That’s the good news. The bad news? We SUUUUCK, and Buffalo feeds on the weak and vulnerable like Sean McDermott in his alleged To Catch A Predator audition days. I mean, just look at the guy's face!

The headline of the week for this game is that Buffalo added Amari Cooper to bolster their receiving corps—though honestly, no one outside of Titans fans and Canadian football enthusiasts cares about this matchup. Cooper’s impact today will likely be limited by his grasp of the Bills’ playbook and the fact that for the first time in his career, he’ll be catching passes from a competent quarterback. We think Cooper’s kinda good... but not really. He’s the type to pad his stats with empty catches and yards. Either way, Josh Allen will still find a way to pick apart our defense when it matters most.

As for me, Canadian Border Security made me do an “aboot”—sorry, about face—when they informed me the Bills technically still play on U.S. soil. I beg to differ. Buffalo doesn’t even have a team within its city limits, and Bills Mafia are just way too “Canada nice.” Maybe I can convince those Canadians to hook me up with some taxpayer-funded healthcare after I smash tables over my skull watching the Titans stumble their way into another L today.

If Rudolph, Levis or Trevior Siemian (Yeah, I didn't know we signed him either) doesn’t look like an NFL quarterback this afternoon, I’m petitioning Nick Holz to toss them all three over Niagara Falls in a whiskey barrel. Questionable status or not, it’s time to take drastic measures!

Mason Rudolph is set to start this afternoon—assuming he’s not too busy trying to save his beloved golf course in Clarksville. Word on the street (or rather, the birdies on the course) is that Rudolph might never give the job back to Levis if we get a repeat of what went down in South Beach. Heck, Willy Memes might never start another game in his career if he stutters and cries again, while Rudolph smoothly steps into the role of game manager.

Look, I know that may sound harsh or like an overreaction—that Levis’ NFL career effectively ends today—but Titans fans need hope wherever we can find it. His pretty boy play on the field isn’t cutting it. The countdown to the 2025 NFL Draft for the two-toned blue has officially begun.

Prediction: Yeah, we ain’t f—ing winning.

"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports-obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his dedication to SINNING that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to Sports Idiot Nation to see for yourself.