Vikings Prepare to Deliver More Cold Feelings to Nashville

WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON

ID10Ts, the worst song that has ever graced the surface of planet Earth includes the lyrics “You need to stay up out them streets if you can't take the heat, cause it get cold like Minnesota.” Whatever that shit means, it perfectly sums up the Titans’ 2024 season—they’ve struggled to handle the heat, intensity, or pressure. And now they stare down a Super Bowl contender at Nissan Stadium. Too easy!

The Vikings roll into town boasting what Titans fans hope Will Levis can someday become—if he’s still around in Nashville by then—Sam Darnold. Yes, that Sam Darnold, who was even in MVP conversations earlier this season before the defense put the team on its back. Props to Brian Francisco Flores for pulling off a career-saving masterclass. Oh, and let’s not forget Darnold’s secret weapon: Justin Jefferson, arguably the best receiver in the league. Man, wouldn’t it be nice if Tennessee could lock down a top-five receiver for once… Carrying on.

My first stop in not-so-wintry Minny had to be Mall of America. As one of the few remaining unblemished structures in the greater Twin City area, MOA has become a proverbial dumping ground for the hopes and dreams of every American that grew up in the 80s and 90s. Much like the rest of St. Paul and Minneapolis, the days of greatness feel long gone for this once-thriving shopping mecca in Bloomington. The Minnesotan magic now resides solely on the intrawebs of the netherworld. Now for the rest of the city, well, it’s goddamn Baghdad round here. I’m outta here already, TI.

However, Titans fans can relate in a way as many of us would like to burn down Broadway after Derek Chauvin also dropped his knee into the neck of our once promising season.

With each passing week, more Titans transition into the realm of former Titans. RIP Mike Edwards—thanks for your time here. By “thanks,” I mean you didn’t actively harm or help Nashville’s chances, which is more than we can say for Willy Memes and his trail of destruction. Now that Victoria F is finally out of the picture, the excuses for the Mayo Man have officially run dry. It’s been over a month since Billy Jeans started a home game (and, predictably, chalked up another L at Nissan).

Starting an eight-game winning streak? Easy. Well, on Madden, anyway. Just score more points than those purple guys—it’s not rocket science. Learn to count, and boom, you win. Not that hard, dumbass.

The Texans are slumping, so here’s the master plan: finish 10-7, cruise to an AFC South title (child’s play, really), snag a home playoff game, and stay hot. Hotter than any of your uggo exes ever were. Then you march into the Super Bowl and win the whole damn thing.

You’re welcome, Levis. The blueprint’s laid out—now go handle it.

Prediction: Titans Never Lose Again, EVER...

"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports-obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his dedication to SINNING that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to Sports Idiot Nation to see for yourself.