White Hot Titans Storm The Capitol

WRITTEN BY: MILES HARRINGTON

Welcome Back ID10Ts! Project 9-8 is alive and thriving, and there’s no turning back. The NFL’s top road warriors are storming the nation's capital to root out the corrupt Commanders, whose NFC East hopes are shrinking faster than your Danny Woodhead on a cold December morning. (Yes, that's a dick joke) Meanwhile, our Tennessee Titans are right back in the AFC South race. Forget the records—I still believe!

All that hype around Jayden Daniels? Short-lived and overblown. He's been fully exposed during Washington's humiliating three-game skid. I mean, who loses three straight? What a bunch of losers, amirite!! It’s gotten so bad, the organization’s resorting to distractions—bringing back the Redskins' Blackfeet chief logo? I smell desperation.

This holiday season, I’m so grateful for the chance to return to the city best known for its scam artists and K-Street criminals. Thanks, TI! What honorable role models—I can’t wait for my kids to look up to them. Old, drunk white men in power while their “interns” (let’s be real, college mistresses) run the show. We’re in great hands, folks! So effective, they can’t even cut a deal to bring the Redskins back to D.C. Guess we’ll have to settle for the Maryland Commanders. Has a nice ring to it, huh? Whatever.

Future Hall of Famer Billy Jeans had a game in H-Town last week that he’ll talk about when he puts on that cream jacket in Canton in 2047. That was the turning point. After that pick-6, you thought it—I thought it too: “Here we go again.” But Levis stayed calm and focused. That poise was different. That’s when a star was born. The future Super Bowl 59 MVP is out to prove us all wrong, and we should embrace it.

Kansas City’s imploding, Buffalo always chokes in the playoffs, Pittsburgh’s all smoke and mirrors, and BaltNOmore isn’t even allowed back in New Orleans (restraining order, anyone?). And let’s be real—we’re better than the “Not Houston Oilers.” So why not us?

Let’s be real. Washington thinks they’ll coast to 8-5 and snap their losing streak today. Newsflash: the two-toned blue are a team of destiny. While they thought we gave up on 2024 by trading away the farm, they missed the memo—we upgraded to a Percy Priest lake house. The win streak starts today, sinners and idiots!

Prediction: Titans 31, Redskins 24

"and that’s the bottom line, behind enemy lines"

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

After being picked up off waivers from his home state of Indiana, Miles Harrington landed at the Titans Idiot Nation as their official hired gun. Miles’ hobbies include exotic travel to the most dangerous corners of the earth, humiliating Colts fans, and exclusively dating women with intel on fantasy sleepers. Miles is so sports-obsessed that his family nearly had him committed. But the judge was so impressed with his dedication to SINNING that she granted him full immunity. Head on over to Sports Idiot Nation to see for yourself.