WRITTEN BY: TI
Every year, people from all corners of the Earth (and probably Mars too) flood my inbox, desperate for my expert NFL Draft insights. Scouts, GMs, random uncles on Facebook — they all want to know: “What does TI think??”
Well, this year I finally cracked under the pressure and blessed the world with my 2025 NFL Mock Draft – First Round Edition™. It’s a masterclass in team building, talent evaluation, and probably clairvoyance. Enjoy the brilliance. Or argue with it. Either way, you're welcome.
"With the first pick in the 2025 NFL Draft the Tennessee Titans select..."
1. Tennessee Titans – Brock Bowers, TE, Georgia
Since this is what they should have done last year, we're just going to try to see if we can do it this year instead. 
2. Cleveland Browns – A Punter.
Just a punter. No name, just “Punter.” Because the offense will stall anyway, might as well draft someone who can flip the field 60 yards at a time.
3. New York Giants – Another Interior Defensive Lineman
They saw Dexter Lawrence and said, “Let’s double down.” Meanwhile, the WR room is just five guys named Isaiah who run 4.7s.
4. New England Patriots – Tom Brady Jr. (Doesn’t Exist)
They try to clone him in a lab. It fails. They still use the pick. Belichick smiles somewhere in a dark room.
5. Jacksonville Jaguars – A Long Snapper from Rutgers
Trent Baalke read a PFF article on “hidden yardage” and hasn’t shut up since. The long snapper runs a 4.3 though, so maybe they’ll try him at WR2 too.
6. Las Vegas Raiders – Arch Manning, QB, Texas (Still in College)
They bypass reality and take Arch early. McDaniels comes back just to ruin him. Vegas loves a gamble, right?
7. New York Jets – A Referee
Sick of blaming the zebras every week, Woody Johnson drafts one so they can finally win a challenge.
8. Carolina Panthers – Yet Another Undersized WR
Panthers look at their WR room (which weighs a combined 420 lbs) and decide, “You know what this needs? More smurfs.”
9. New Orleans Saints – A Guy Who Just Retired
They forgot to take him off their draft board. They call his name. He’s at home mowing his lawn. He doesn’t return their calls.
10. Chicago Bears – A Defensive Coordinator
They draft one. Literally. No helmet, no pads, just a whiteboard. Maybe now the defense will stop giving up 38 to Jordan Love.
11. San Francisco 49ers – Another Running Back
Kyle Shanahan has 19 RBs but none of them “feel right.” This one used to be a lacrosse player. He’s perfect.
12. Dallas Cowboys – Jerry Jones’ Grandson
He’s 13, plays flag football, and can’t read defenses. But hey, family first.
13. Miami Dolphins – The Fastest Human Alive
Forget pads, hands, or route running. Just give Tua another blur to overthrow.
14. Indianapolis Colts – Anthony Richardson Again
Jim Irsay demands a redo. “This time we’ll get it right.” Richardson is confused. So is the league.
15. Atlanta Falcons – A Fullback.
They love running so much, they bring back the I-formation and draft a guy who can block for Bijan while also doubling as a tight end with no hands.
16. Arizona Cardinals – Kyler Murray, Again
The pick is used to extend his contract again. He hasn’t asked for it. He’s busy playing Call of Duty.
17. Cincinnati Bengals – Two Backup Kickers
McPherson missed once, and Zac Taylor panicked. “We can’t live like this.”
18. Seattle Seahawks – A YouTube Sensation Who Played O-Line in High School
Pete Carroll watched one viral pancake block and said, “He’s got that dawg in him.”
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – A 35-Year-Old QB From the CFL
He’s gritty. He’s got a mustache. He once threw for 4,000 yards in Saskatchewan. Tampa says, “He’s our guy.”
20. Indianapolis Colts (again) – A Horse
A literal horse. They name it “Play-Action Pete.” It’s not even fast. They just wanted something with spirit.
21. Denver Broncos – Sean Payton’s Ego
They draft a laminated photo of him looking smug. He gets a locker.
22. Atlanta Falcons (again) – A Third-String QB From the XFL
Because clearly, that’s what was missing all along.
23. Chicago Bears – A Self-Help Book
It’s called “How To Not Waste A Rookie QB In 10 Easy Steps.” They immediately lose it.
24. Baltimore Ravens – Another Tight End
Why stop at three? Let’s make it a basketball lineup. Lamar will never throw to the outside again.
25. Buffalo Bills – Josh Allen Again
They clone him so he can play both quarterback and middle linebacker. Finally, someone who really wants it.
26. Minnesota Vikings – A Mirror
To stare into while asking, “Who are we without Kirk?” Spoiler: still mid.
27. Kansas City Chiefs – Patrick Mahomes’ Right Ankle
It’s treated as a separate player now. It gets its own jersey and everything.
28. Los Angeles Chargers – A Fanbase
They try to draft one. Still no takers.
29. Detroit Lions – A Grit Dispenser
It’s just a vending machine that spits out motivational slogans. Dan Campbell tears up.
30. Green Bay Packers – Brett Favre’s Opinion
They call him on draft night. He says something wildly problematic. They draft whoever he mentions anyway.
31. Philadelphia Eagles – Jason Kelce’s Beard
It’s retired. It’s sacred. They bring it back and it immediately takes over as O-line coach.
32. Kansas City Chiefs – A Replica Lombardi Trophy
They don't seem to have enough of those lying around these days.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
TI is the brains behind both the "Titans Idiot Nation" and "Sports Idiot Nation" as well as an avid sports fanatic and pop culture enthusiast who is unhealthily obsessed with football, especially the NFL. When he's not yelling at his TV, he enjoys running, spending time with his family, and of course, yelling at his TV some more while tolerating the Tennessee Titans.
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